Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Letting it go


Lately I have been somewhat consumed with bitterness and jealousy towards someone I spend a lot of time with. And I hate what it's doing to me. How do I let it go? She and her fiance really are nice kind people, G and I have been asked to stand up for them at their wedding. We rushed into saying yes before we really looked into the cost of being in their wedding (it's in Germany) and tonight we have to tell them that we simply can't afford to go. I have been trying to drop hints lately as to how broke I am...the whole crying in the OSAP office was witnessed by the gal, but she can't seem to grasp that $1500 each (low ball estimate) is far too much for us. That is over 3 months rent...plus some of our bills. G just finished school and has started his apprenticeship and I am trying to find a way to make some extra cash while I am in school. While we would love to go it is just simply impossible.

The issues that are killing me the most is that she just dropped $6,000 on her wedding dress, her parents are helping her and her fiance buy a truck and also they just announced that they have started house hunting. It's true that they will be financing all this stuff through their parents, but it just bugs me that things will never come that easily for me. I realize that I am WAY more fortunate than a large portion of people in this country let alone in this world, but it still bothers me nonetheless. And then thinking about how it bothers me bugs me even more. I dont want to be that girl. I really don't. It's just weird to me that her parents are paying for it all and she is claiming that they are paying it all back. She can shop with minimal consequence as her credit card bill goes to her parents.

I wouldn't trade my life with G for anything. I love our relationship, our love nest and our dreams. So how do I let go of this grumpy feeling towards our friends. It's not their fault that their parents have money and pay for everything. But why do I still hold a grudge? I don't want to be bitter and angry, in fact I would love to be happy for them, buying your first home is a big deal! I really need to let it go and move past it but I dont really know how.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

It seems impossible to suggest the statement "just be grateful for what you do have" 1. because I know you are, and 2. I know that sometimes it really is tough when you feel you are struggling and it's so easy for someone else. I have been in your shoes many-a-times, and sure does suck. All you can do is be honest with them tonight, they will understand :)
PS I think you are awesome for going back to school!!!!!!!!