Creepy Crawlies

:::

This apartment is the only place I have lived other than my parents house, where I haven't had either a rodent or bug issue (*sound of me loudly knocking on wood). My first apartment in the ghetto of Toronto found us waking up in the middle of the night once to pretty much see the floor moving. and so started my first nervous breakdown...barf. (Ok, so not an actual breakdown however there were tears and a few frantic phone calls to my mum that occurred) Places I lived in Philly had mice several times and also a few insects. I have never been able to really call somewhere my "home" when I am kinda creeped out by the place. However since G and I have lived together I think we may have come across one ant. I can handle bugs in the singular form. And ants seem less disgusting somehow.

Anyway the point of this ramble is that yesterday we had a note tucked in our door that they were coming to put down roach stuff over the next few weeks...and I got immediately itchy and grossed out. I much preferred to think that cockroaches don't live in Forest Hill. I guess the issue of apartment living is that these sorts of things are bound to come up, but I hate to think that my view of our love nest will be tainted by the threat of creepy crawlies.

Daily Grace

:::

1. Going to the movies last night and seeing both Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds in various states of undress. sigh. Don't you dare judge me
2. Sleeping in past 7:30
3. It's not raining today!
4. Jac is coming over to do homework with me and she is bringing us lunch. sweet
5. Seeing my brothers new place tonight

Daily Grace

:::

1. Coffee in the morning
2. Packing my lunch for today
3. Knowing my posse at school has my back
4. Playing on Photoshop yesterday and rekindling a love affair
5. The motivation that I have been channeling from somewhere to keep up with my insane work load

Daily Grace

:::

1. G went grocery shopping and made dinner last night. Gloriously relaxing. (well not really cause I was relaxing by studying for a lighting test, however it was awesome not to have to worry about dinner)
2. Being adjusted to getting up early
3. Getting to ride in a convertible yesterday
4. Having used a new razor head to shave this morning....ridiculously soft legs at the moment
5. Knowing that the first two weeks in June I get to spend time with two of my favourite gals!

Daily Grace

:::

1. Getting picked up for school in a convertible
2. Going to the movies last night for the first time in a few months
3. Feeling in a good place with my school work
4. Wearing a dress to school
5. Coming home to a tidy apartment

Summer's coming

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Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell

Subway signs

Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell

Daily Grace

:::

1. Watching the season finale of Criminal Minds last night while hanging out via blackberry messenger with Erin
2. Fresh raspberries I packed for lunch
3. A chat with G last night where we talked about cheesy stuff like our hopes and dreams and what we are looking forward to together
4. Getting to school a full 6 hours before class starts to get a pile of work done
5. An impending tea party, full out with fancy hats and all

Daily Grace

:::

1. I got a 100% on a presentation in my lighting class

2. It's Day 2 of total apartment organization and things look good

3. Its 8 am I have been up for an hour and am about to start homework

4. I made a new dish last night for dinner with the utmost success

5. I bought a T-Shirt at Joe Fresh for $8 last night. Also...am newly addicted to the Canadian Superstore. eeek

Sadness

:::

Although I don't currently have any children, I have taken great pleasure in reading many of the parenting blogs that are out there.  It's nice to hear about people in a different stage of life and to catch a glimpse of what my life may be like in years to come.  I have laughed and cried with many of these people over the last few years, watched them welcome more kids and weather the storms that come with parenting.  Lately however it has been so hard for me to read a few of the blogs I love.  Gorilla buns and TheSpohrs are bloggers who have both recently lost children.  This I cannot even comprehend.  I continue to read, offer up small prayers, and cry.  I literally cannot even fathom the depth of their grief.  I find it amazing how a community of virtual friends can rally so hard behind people they only know through their blogs. I hope it is somewhat cathartic for them to be able to write their way to healing.  And it makes me realize that all the crap I complain about in my day to day life is total bullshit in comparison.

Daily Grace

:::

1. Foresight to do my homework on Friday so I could just chill last night

2. Having my mum drive me to Toronto and hang out all night helping me organize areas of my apartment...did you know I actually have carpet in my bedroom?!  

3. Starbucks vanilla soy latte that I got up early to treat my Mum and I to

4. Getting a presentation out of the way this morning at 11

5. Having G come home tonight

Daily Grace

:::

1. Had an amazing time last night. See below. This is us all snazzed up on our balcony before we TTCed down to the  opera.

*2. I am going to Vera Wang to try on Bridesmaid Dresses today!  Not paying for them is actually the grace.

3. LONG WEEKEND

4.Beautiful Weather for a drive...hoping it holds up for a hike tomorrow

5. Woke up and started on homework.  Always feels good when I get that stuff on the go.

*NO idea why everything under the pic went underlined, I couldn't get it off!

Daily Grace

:::

1. Today marks the 1 year anniversary of G telling me I could come stay with him for a few weeks while I looked for an apartment...so it's the unofficially "we've been living together for a year" day today. hurray.
2. To celebrate number 1 we are getting snazzed up and going to the opera tonight! La Boheme. Never been to the opera before but we love an adventure so here we go!
3. For some reason the rest of my classmates think I am on top of things this term. Freaks me out yet makes me feel amazing all at once.
4. New Criminal Minds last night...spoooky yet good
5. Knowing my best friend SO WELL that at 830 when she texted me "HOLY SHIIIIT" I knew exactly what she was referring to.

Project Progress

:::

For a little over a year now Melissa and I have been working on a little thing called Project Progress We used to meet as much as possible but now that she moved away (cough cough) now we email each other every Monday morning to discuss our goals both short term and long term. Lately we have been really just looking towards things that we need to accomplish in the week even mundane things like "Get a handle on my pile of laundry". It's funny but being accountable even just to one person really helps me keep on track. We email throughout the week with our little success stories of how we are working towards goals and for advice on how to keep moving forward. I think I am going to start posting my goals here each week as well so that I can feel as if I am accountable to even more people.

This isn't exactly the way that Melissa's actual program runs, but we have been doing a bit of a mini version to fit our schedules at the moment. I do need to sit down and examine more long term goals and make a plan of attack for getting there!

Letting it go

:::

Lately I have been somewhat consumed with bitterness and jealousy towards someone I spend a lot of time with. And I hate what it's doing to me. How do I let it go? She and her fiance really are nice kind people, G and I have been asked to stand up for them at their wedding. We rushed into saying yes before we really looked into the cost of being in their wedding (it's in Germany) and tonight we have to tell them that we simply can't afford to go. I have been trying to drop hints lately as to how broke I am...the whole crying in the OSAP office was witnessed by the gal, but she can't seem to grasp that $1500 each (low ball estimate) is far too much for us. That is over 3 months rent...plus some of our bills. G just finished school and has started his apprenticeship and I am trying to find a way to make some extra cash while I am in school. While we would love to go it is just simply impossible.

The issues that are killing me the most is that she just dropped $6,000 on her wedding dress, her parents are helping her and her fiance buy a truck and also they just announced that they have started house hunting. It's true that they will be financing all this stuff through their parents, but it just bugs me that things will never come that easily for me. I realize that I am WAY more fortunate than a large portion of people in this country let alone in this world, but it still bothers me nonetheless. And then thinking about how it bothers me bugs me even more. I dont want to be that girl. I really don't. It's just weird to me that her parents are paying for it all and she is claiming that they are paying it all back. She can shop with minimal consequence as her credit card bill goes to her parents.

I wouldn't trade my life with G for anything. I love our relationship, our love nest and our dreams. So how do I let go of this grumpy feeling towards our friends. It's not their fault that their parents have money and pay for everything. But why do I still hold a grudge? I don't want to be bitter and angry, in fact I would love to be happy for them, buying your first home is a big deal! I really need to let it go and move past it but I dont really know how.

Daily grace

:::
1. Mothers day spent with my mum
2. Feeling like I managed to keep somewhat on top of my homework.
3. Soy milk for my cereal
4. Spooning
5. G helping to cut and mount my project on foam core last night. Let me get to bed at a decent time
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Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell

Daily Grace

:::

1. Amazing homemade curry I had for dinner tonight.

2. Seeing something looking close to being done(ish) homework wise

3. Tim Hortons decaf tea

4. Getting the remnants of my drunk hair cut fixed up and snazzy

5. Spending time snuggled on the couch with G

Daily Grace

:::

1. Getting a free cup of Starbucks filter coffee for buying beans...no place has ever offered me that before.

2. Slowly getting a hang of using my camera, I have had it for 3 years and I still mostly use it on the Auto setting. I have been reading the manual on the subway and I think I am slowly learning a few new tricks. Hope to have time to try them out soon

3. People who pay their babysitters WAY over minimum wage

4. New tunes on my Ipod

5. My Nanny telling me that she has a present for me. yay presents!

Is it my big mouth? or Girlfriendly Duties

:::

So on Monday, I offered G that I could go pick up something for us to get his Mom for mothers day. He sort of grunted that he and his brother were going to be getting her some jewelry of some sort. Ok sweet...no other thought from me about it...and then...this morning at 6:30 when he was about to work, he gently woke me up to say "Hey babe when you pick up something for my Mom today wana text me a picture before you buy it? Also, can you grab a card? Love you bye" and in my semi awake state I sort of just grunted. However now I am somewhat flustered and annoyed as I have a SHIT PILE of stuff to do today before we head up north. As in a crazy amount of homework, and tidying the apartment and while I know he has a busy day at work I am starting to think that a division of labour chat needs to be made ASAP. bah.

16 again

I feel as if I am 16. I have spent the past hour and a half arguing with a 5 year old about why bed is a good idea and how I don't believe that his mum allows him to not brush his teeth. Or eat chocolate chip cookies in bed for that matter. The lady I am babysitting for is so sweet, had snacks out for me and told me to help myself to anything in the fridge. I may have eaten my weight in homemade chocolate chip cookies! I forgot how much I love babysitting.
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell

Daily Grace

:::

1. The periods of calm I have before the panic resets in about all my midterm projects

2. 50 free prints from shutterfly

3. The delicious dinner I threw together last night

4. The promise of wine with my Mum this weekend

5. My health

The ex files

:::

The ex called last night in a terrible state needing to apologize for the approximately 5000 ways in which he mistreated me during our relationship.  I decided that I would answer his call just this one time for old times sake. 

He spent the call apologizing while crying and hinting to me about how he was going to kill himself.  Perhaps this sounds callow, but after roughly the 50th time someone tells you they are going to harm themselves and then they actually do not mean it, it really doesn't remain a concern of mine.  It is something he does for attention not as a cry for help so after 4 years I tend to not get all that concerned when he says those things.  I decided to listen to him apologize cause for once it was a nicer thing to hear than him telling me what an awful person I am for leaving.  Allegedly he is getting all the stuff of mine that he took from me, and assembling it in to some boxes and dropping it off for my cousins who still live near him.  I highly doubt any of that will come into play, however I figured I would listen to the apology and thank him.  I know he wants my forgiveness and to be honest I forgive him in the sense that I just won't let it bother me any more.  However, I don't want to grant him the absolution he is looking for as I know that is the only reason he is saying sorry-->to make himself feel better. And I think that is wrong.

Daily Grace

:::

1. Crab legs being on sale at Loblaws giving me a creative and freaking delicious new option for dinner last night

2. Lindt Fleur De Sel chocolate. Divine

3. Rediscovering my LuLu Lemon short pants which I will wear today

4. Getting to sleep in just a little bit later than G this morning

5. Having my friend Emma hook me up with a sweet and potentially somewhat lucrative babysitting gig

Daily Grace

:::

1. The sun is shining when I have to get up nowadays....makes it much easier for me to drag my bum out of bed

2. My Mum got another 3 months reprieve from her oncologist. Amen. Which also leads me to: 

3. Getting to spend a nice day in the city with my Mum yesterday. We were going to attempt to go to the AGO yet it was closed on Mondays. D'oh. So instead we got a coffee and browsed around Chapters on Queen street while we waited for her appointment.  Really nice day together

4. For the amazing new pillow that me ma bought me yesterday from home outfitters (we also went there;) ) I am always on a quest for a good pillow and by george I think I actually have one!!! This may sound lame but I have a really hard time finding pillows that work for me so this is actually HUGE

5. Fighting the lazy last night and cleaning the kitchen while I made dinner. And also making us both lunches for today. It really is so easy to just say "I'll do it tomorrow" but whenever I do that it always seems to come back on me later as then I have to buy lunch and spend even more time cleaning!

The surprise hangover and the rest of the weekend

:::

Originally I had planned on getting lots of homework done this weekend and doing some fun stuff around Toronto as we weren't heading north.  Friday night we were both just pooped from a long week so we were lazy kids and snuggled as deeply as possible into our couches and fought the urge to move all night. We rented Religiulous and were in bed by 10:30.

We woke up at the same time Saturday morning somehow feeling like it was really late, but it was only 8:30.  I guess that is late to some extent as all week long we had been getting up between 6 and 7.  We got dressed and walked up to Spadina village, did a little window shopping and got coffee at Starbucks.  It was nice to just get to people watch and hang out.  We had brunch plans around 12:30 for our friend Ron's birthday and that ended up setting the tone for the day.  Since we had taken the subway we decided to be either decadant or disgusting (depends how you look at it) and have beers with our brunch.  We then were taking our time up at Yonge and Eglington just chilling and checking out new stuff at HMV when Kate called, and had us come over. So we headed downtown and ended up spending the afternoon chatting, catching up and you guessed it drinking.  

At 10pm their houseguest who I know from back home and who is a hairdresser came home...can you guess where this is going?  She was giving us all haircuts in Kate and Lorne's living room.  I mentioned that I has been wanting to go really short. And with my alcohol induced lack of inhibitions....I ended up getting quite the hair cut. My main stipulation was that I am in Erin's wedding in September so I need pretty hair for that.   

We were there til 3am playing cards and gossiping about highschool and drinking their homemade beer. (who knew it has crazy alcohol content?!)   Apparently I had a nap on the couch for a bit before we headed home oooh classy me passing out at parties!

Sunday morning was a bit of a good news bad news situation.  Good news? I still loved my hair cut. Bad news? It was ill advised to make any sudden movements.  In yet another testament to why I love him, G went out and grabbed us McDonalds....literally saved the day. And while I spent a good 6 hours trying to get up out of a reclined position to do homework, we just chilled on our couches and watched Nip/Tuck for many hours.  It felt like a bit of a wasted day as there are literally a million things we need to get done ie throwing out crap and more organizing of the tiny space that is our love nest, but it was a good day all in all.

Today I have no school. Actually all week for that matter.  I have to be a bit reclusive though and get tons of work done.  Today is a bit of a writeoff homework wise as my Mum is in Toronto for her oncology appointment so I am going to hang out with her and wait for the blood work to tell us that she is good to go for another 3 months.  I am going to tidy up a little bit and maybe get some stuff set up so that tonight I can hopefully stay on track so that next weekend doesn't end in my tears (which is what happens when I don't stay ontop of things with school!)

Daily Grace

:::

1. For these two 'new to me' songs I have been listening to all weekend. 'Weighty Ghost' by Wintersleep and Brighter Discontent by The Submarines.
2.Cafe Creme in the big red coffee cup G bought me

3. My new haircut

4. Catching up with friends I haven't seen in ages over the weekend

5. Getting nothing accomplished that was on my list of to-do's this weekend....and still enjoying myself

Quote of the day

:::

(this one is actually from last week)

I was talking to Erin about life etc and all she is dealing with with her fiance's illness....

*I am paraphrasing

"Well we get lemons and try to make lemonaid"

"You are just so positive Erin, it really encourages me"

"Yeah well somedays when we get those lemons we just throw them at the wall"

Which I think might be the funniest thing she has ever said!

Daily Grace

:::

1. I got to wear my adorable wellies (see sidebar pic) last night cause it was raining

2. I'm slowly learning how to use Flickr

3. After my terrible horrible no good financial aid experience I came home to G who said the best words to ever hear "We'll take care of it together"

4. I am organized enough to get two assignments finished today...I am not coming back to the apartment until they are finished

5. A good nights sleep. Brings much better perspective to my life!