Not a high point for me

:::
Today I got called into the financial services office at school to discuss my next OSAP application. All was going well until I mentioned that G and I had bought a truck. It is essentially his truck however my name is on it since I have a good insurance record and so our rates would be lower. Apparently OSAP looks down on students owning vehicles and so it would seem I will go from getting the max (as I did for this year) to getting around $4,000 which won’t even come close to covering my tuition. So the guy’s big tip for me was to a) sell my truck or b) figure out some other way in which to get tons of money.

While stripping was the first thing that came to mind, it isn’t exactly a viable life choice for me in all honesty. And G needs the truck for work so it’s not like selling it is another option.

He was talking figures and not seeming to comprehend that I am living pretty basically at the moment he sussed it out that with interest relief on my loan, the penalty of me having this vehicle will add up to me missing out on 15,000 essentially. This is where I thought I was going to blackout, but instead I started to cry in the financial aid office. I felt like the biggest loser. It was one of those cries where you feel it coming, do what you can to hold it back but those hot tears come bursting out no matter how hard you will it stop. 

It always seems to happen just as I think I have a handle on things that something else pops up and bites me in the ass. I just don’t know what the best plan of attack here is. OBVIOUSLY I would love an extra $15,000 that I don’t have to pay back in 2 years, however I currently don’t know if I have the money to pay all the extra in insurance each month it will cost if I am not listed as an owner.

Bring a grownup sucks sometimes, yet do I even count as a grownup if I literally cry in grownup situations?

Daily Grace

:::

1. I got up early enough to enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee while blogging this morning

2. Getting 90% on my building Systems test last night...need to know anything about HVAC? I'm your girl!

3. Meeting up with my class early before class today (9am instead of 2pm) to get two assignments out of the way before midterm week. As much as I would rather chill at home than have 10 hours of school today, I know it will feel phenomenal to get stuff done.

4. A lovely long catch up email from an old friend

5. Figuring out how to make my blog prettier.  I love it!

Freedom?

:::

 Over the past week it would seem that D is finally letting go.  After several frantic emails and calls (both of which I ignored) He finally sent a really long email saying that he no longer blames me for everything that is wrong in his life.  He apologized for treating me so poorly and for being so cruel.  He then claimed that he doesn't want to hold out on signing the divorce papers any longer.  That he isn't going to try to come after me for anything financial (which is great cause I have no money, however I would have had to pay a lawyer a bunch of money to defend against that) As he has done this a few times before I emailed to let him know that the ball was in his court. Last time he said this I spent $200 for my lawyer to send him papers that he just ignored.

Dare I hope? Do I actually believe him this time and start formulating plans and picturing my life completely free of him? It's weird cause he is asking for forgiveness yet I just don't think I am there yet. He has done too many awful things to me for me to just let it go, however I know that holding on to the hurt and anger really just effects me.

Also--tacky or no: sharing some champagne with a few close friends to celebrate that chapter of my life being over?

pretty pretty

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Attempting to fiddle with le blog and make it look prettier...can't quite figure it out, but its a small start.  Should be studying for a building systems exam, yet I am doing this instead.  Oh  I am such a fabulous procrastinator

Daily Grace

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1. Feeling somewhat on top of my school work...which is decreasing my anxiety level...which is an AMAZING thing!

2. For having a really nice visit with G's brother who has been staying with us since Sunday

3.  We started trying the GI diet on Sunday.  It's been hard cause sometimes I am lazy however I feel like for once I can actually do this.  I have lost about 10lbs since January and I am really trying to keep the healthiness going

4. Making fun plans for G and I for Saturday in Toronto.  I think we are going to go to St Lawrence Market...any suggestions?  We have a bad habit of going north every weekend and not enjoying our surroundings here in the city

5. Knowing my friend Emma has had two great dates with the amazing DB (dreamboat) the past two nights

Quote of the day

:::

After getting cut off on our way home from the grocery store:

"Just cause you drive a Bentley doesn't mean you have to be an asshole"

-G

Daily Grace

:::

1. Last night I had nachos for dinner. Hurray for laziness

2. Iphoto might be my new favourite thing in the world. Or at least one small step in the direction of me FINALLY getting something like 6000 photos organized

3. I got a delivery from Amazon! granted it's a book for school but I have to say I always feel pretty  awesome getting mail of any kind. Usually its junk mail or addressed to Dear Occupant

4. Some form of motivation I seem to have today...I woke up on the earlyish side and have started cleaning up for G's brothers surprise visit this weekend. Hopefully motivation continues all day and I actually get some homework done too. There are some serious deadlines looming and I need to get on it!

5. This is going to make me sound like a monster redneck, however...There is a buck and doe tomorrow night and I am really looking forward to dancing with my friends and eating midnight sandwich buffet!

Daily Grace

:::

1. Finally getting my butt in gear, and calling TD to get the credit card with WAY lower interest...paying off old credit card with new credit card and getting a great balance transfer rate...CUTTING OLD CREDIT CARD UP AND THROWING OUT.

2. While not spending the time I planned this week on getting housework done, I have somehow managed to keep on top of my homework and start making plans for upcoming projects and assignments which will keep me sane in the coming weeks.

3. Once again--The Sun.  I feel like I have been thankful for that a lot lately, but heck, it makes me feel thankful so big ups to that yellow thing in the sky.

4. Getting to go see my oldest and dearest friend at her first wedding dress fitting last night.  I was fake tearing up to cover the real tearing up. She picked the absolutely perfect dress that might as well have been made for her. I am so honoured to be in her wedding.

5. For the first time, I have really appreciated and enjoyed the quiet and solitude that comes along with G being gone for a few  days. True I miss him and I may or may not have been sleeping on his side of the bed, but I have been enjoying some "me" time.

Daily Grace

:::

1. Learning how to use my new computer. I am in love.

2. My awesome friend Harrison who came with me tonight for some sushi and is now teaching me how to use my new computer.

3.  G going away for a few days so I can hopefully get my crap together and clean up my trail of stuff I leave all around the apartment.

4. The new issue of Dwell Magazine

5. Strawberries being on sale for a LOONIE at the corner market.

Mac daddy love

G and I bought a new laptop last night and I think I am in love. I am by no means "in the money", I just recently sold something expensive and I wanted to put the money towards something we really needed. I am a giant fan of all things internet, I love taking photos and playing with Photoshop, and I am going to need a nice computer for work and presentations...and so...we bought a Mac. I wish I could stay home from school today and organize my pictures and upload my itunes, but alas duty calls.
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell

Daily Grace

:::

1. Not having to wear a jacket yesterday
2. Having the courage to tell G that I have been feeling a bit down lately.
3. Coffee with mum this morning in our favourite polka dotted mugs
4. Getting a really good sleep last night and the refreshed feeling that comes with it today
5. Slowly but surely getting things organized in my life

long class

:::
I am currently sitting in my AutoCAD class and it seems our teacher is learning along side us. Class started at 2, and it's now 4 and we have literally not learned a thing. It has taken 2 hours to just get everyone set up. I tend to have an onset of ADD in situations like this, I can barely pay attention to her anymore (as can be evidenced through mobile blogging) I have to sit here til 7pm and I am just sooo ready to go.  5 hour labs in rooms with non opening windows and barely functioning CAD capabilities is just not a good call.  Also someone in the caf has made popcorn and now I am ravenously hungry. sigh

---

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Daily Grace

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1. The delicious Bagel and Lox I had for breakfast. It was glorious
2. Feeling that I am mildy ahead of the game in the homework department
3. That I am currently blogging from my AutoCAD class
4. Having my brother randomly stop by last night on his way to the airport
5. Today I am wearing my adorable new Payless shoes and I have had about 5 compliments on how adorable they are

Daily Grace

:::

1. For finishing Season 2 of Nip Tuck last night. OMG (this may be the first time I have used the abbreviation OMG) but wow it was awesome and I think we have to rent season 3 ASAP. I love renting TV shows on DVD cause then we can just chill and not get suckered in with those brutal cliff hangers!

2. Melissa and I have started doing our goals again. Last year we would chat each week and talk about our daily, weekly monthly and long term goals...just kinda get them out in the universe what it was we needed/wanted to accomplish. Having someone to be accountable to really helps keep me on track.

3. Even though I had 10 hours of class yesterday...long winded boring classes... I managed to come home and still find some (albeit minimal) energy to get some work done. yay me. I just really need to keep on top of things this term cause I think I could drown in school work very quickly.

4. Erin's fiance didn't have to go back to Emerg yesterday. He is still in a lot of pain and tons of frustration dealing with his health issues, but a small blessing in his day I am sure.

5. Sharing a bottle of red wine while watching television on a Monday night

Daily Grace

:::

I have been writing down all my daily graces at graceinsmallthings.ning.com but I am having a hard time/am too lazy to seem to remember to put them here as well. I think I may just start keeping track of everyday miracles and blessings here instead. Happy Easter Monday everyone. I have a few pics I will post tonight,

1) My brothers girlfriend. She is awesome, beautiful and really really cares about my brother. This is the first girl he has ever brought to a family dinner and she fit in really well. Was so much fun to have other girls around!

2) Getting all my homework done this weekend yet still being able to enjoy myself

3) Even though I had a coffee to perk myself up for the ride home last night I was still able to fall asleep at a semi regular hour...this is a miracle in itself. Usually coffee after 5 for me means no sleep til Brooklyn!

4) The ease at which I can get out of bed when it is light in the mornings. I can find everything in my room without having to turn lights on and wake G up

5) Having a sushi and 'Rachel Getting Married' date with Emma later this week. I am going to make it work so that I have all my homework done and can just relax and enjoy!