Hope Springs Eternal

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It is a gorgeous day in Toronto. A no coat needed, tempted to break out my birkenstocks kind of day. G and I are driving up north later on this afternoon and I just can't wait to have the windows down in the truck while we cruise.

I feel as though these days that promise that summer is on it's way really do cause such joy in me. I am feeling more lifted than I have in ages and it is such a needed emotion. I think that I really do get affected by the dumpy Ontario winters and the stress that this past season brought along with it. I am trying to focus on the future life wise as well as season wise and get through it bit by bit.

I am not sure why, but lately I have felt so much more in love with G. I get giddy when we are together and I actually miss him when we are apart. Almost pathetic as sometimes we are only apart for 8 hours while we are in classes. I think that sometimes I feel as if this relationship can't be real. Surely I do not deserve to be this happy. Why is that? I guess cause I used to date total assholes and I just don't realize if I made better choices when I was younger, I would have been happy then too. It's just that as we move further and further into our relationship, meshing our lives and our personal effects into one, I panic at how easily it could all disappear. I think once realizing that I can actually be this happy in myself and in a relationship, I see just how much I have to lose. Part of me wants to hold back, just a little so that if things don't work out I would have some shred of self left, but I just don't know how. And it is literally ridiculous writing this as I know he is just as batshit crazy for me as I am for him, but years of self doubt are hard to break free from.

Dumpy Day Diva (with pics)

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I was starting off wanting to write about being really depressed today. About not being able to find a job and about realizing that my credit card payment was supposed to be yesterday and not tomorrow...and while I was all about hitting the minimum now I will have to deal with...about feeling like I am stuck treading water and not able to move forward with my life...about just feeling totally lost about what I want to do and what should happen with my life.

BUT...instead I am choosing to write about my trip, to not be the dumpy day diva that I thought I was going to be. I started looking at pics from my trip to post up here and I realized that all really isnt lost. I just had an adventure. With a boy that I really like. So I guess things could be a lot worse right?

We flew out to Vancouver separately due to booking issues and met up Friday afternoon. We stayed with his parents and headed out on Saturday. Saturday night we stayed in Whistler, Sunday we stayed in Lake Louise, Monday Banff, Tuesday Calgary, Wednesday Regina, Thursday Winnipeg, Friday Terrance Bay (just past Thunder Bay) and then Saturday we did a 13 hour tour and made it home. We ate a lot of junk food, sang lots of tunes, I was corrected on many many hip hop lyrics, we made out in every province, and chatted. To be super girlie, I feel like we really got to know each other a bit better...we didn't even really pull out the indepth "getting to know you" conversations, but we spent 8 full days together, 50+ hours being confined in a vehicle. So for two people who have mostly spent time on weekends together, I think that this was good for us.

--Here we are pretending to hate each other
at the Ontario sign. Little did I know it was still about 18 hours home from that sign! Ontario is a GIANT province...we were still about 6 hours from Thunder Bay at this point. We had joked about hating each other by the the time we got to the middle of the country and since that didn't happen we thought it would be good to seem like we hated each other once we got back home.