Three as one

:::

I dream of my father every night.  He comes into my subconsciousness as a not so holy trinity of the men missing in my life: stepfather, grandfather, father.  I have lost too many people in a short period of time, and all of them my older male figures.  Some closer to me than others, but strangely the loss is felt just as deeply with each. Every morning as of late I wake up with a renewed sense of loss. It is always my father in my dreams, but at times it is as if I am spending time with my stepdad, or my grandfather.  I don't feel as if I can even articulate the way I feel about this....it's just far too much.  I want to dream of hot men, and rainbows and whatever random carefree crap I used to dream about.  I just don't want to have incredible dreams about spending time with people and getting closure in situations, and waking up feeling as if a bandaid has been ripped from a wound.  (gross analogy)