Quality Time and other tid bits

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Q.T is what I need to spend with my scanner! G and I have taken a ton of Holga pics and sweet new fisheye lomo photos this summer, and yet none of them are on the computer yet..sigh! Must get on it.

Watching Til Debt Do us Part and feeling crazy motivated to save save save!

Got up early and did laundry, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, ran errands,  I was filled with delight as I crossed things off my list. 

 Tonight it's up to Barrie for dinner and a sleepover with Erin and Steve. Tomorrow we head up to my uncles cottage for a family visit, then Sunday it's continue north to North Bay to visit G's grandma and uncle. Long weekend of multi family togetherness.  Am looking forward to getting out of the city for a few days and taking pics.

NOW....to stop reading and blogging and to finish putting away laundry and moving on to homework....am I only cleaning to procrastinate from homework? me thinks yes. sigh.

zzz

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This morning started off early...as in way too early. G and I were up at 5 so he could catch his 6:30am flight to Thunder Bay.  I dropped him off at the airport at 5:45 and watched him hustle to get in line. Where he was stuck for 20mins before he could get to the counter.  (keep in mind I am driving back to our apartment during this time)  I crawled back into bed, just shut my eyes, when my phone vibrated...He missed his flight. They wouldn't let him on even though he was in the airport in time. They told him that next time he should come 2 hours early just to be safe.  (isn't that supposed to be for international flights? Ones with Customs and so on involved..hell he is just flying up to Northern Ontario. They wouldn't rebook him on another flight for this morning without him paying the upgrade charge of $200 (as the later flights cost more) SO...this means I had to get out of my cozy, snuggly bed and race out to Pearson to grab him. Turns out he could get on a Porter flight, leaving from the Toronto Island Airport for less money than rebooking through Air Canada.  Needless to say he is not so happy with Air Canada at the moment.  And now I am finally back home, just made a cup of coffee, and thought I would blog and do some homework before school. I'm going to be a basketcase before my school ends at 8pm tonight.  I have a 3 hour class where I sit in a dark classroom and look at Art slides, then an hour break, then 5 hours of AutoCad with a teacher who talks like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. Sigh.  

Figured I would incorporate my daily grace into this post so I don't sound so grumpy or as miserable as of late.

1. Homemade starbucks coffee

2. Sunrise over the 401 this morning

3. valuing the comfort and awesomeness that is my bed

4. Hearing that VIArail is having a 60% off sale on seats if you book now and ride between now and December sometime....perhaps a mini road trip with my Mum is in order

5. Getting to spend time with my awesome extended family this weekend.

 

sigh

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i feel so sad lately and I just can't shake it. I HATE feeling down and negative, and I am doing everything I can do to try to snap out of it, yet I feel on the verge of tears most of the time. It's not something I can put my finger on, but I sort of feel like no matter how hard it's just not enough. And I read back over these sentences and feel like such a negative person, and I don't want to be that person. I want to feel better I just don't know how

As the thunder rolls in the distance....

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...which normally I don't mind so much, however G and I have tickets for Depeche Mode tonight and as per usual I got lawn tickets (cheaper, plus tis so romantic to listen to live music while snuggled up on a blanket) Am sitting in the apartment, watching the sky get darker and darker as concert time approaches. Usually am oh so up for a rainy day adventure, but really? I would much rather be snuggled up inside tonight instead of out in the deluge.  

Today I say

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In an effort to be more health conscious I have started drinking my coffee with milk instead of cream.  The taste I can handle, however I haven't yet figured out what colour it is to be.  I had it down pat with the cream, yet now most mornings I tend to find my coffee is either to milky or else to coffeeish.  Oh foolish drama.

It's been a quick week, so quick in fact that I start panicking with how fast this term is going by.  I just completed week 3, so that is just 9 more weeks til I do my final presentations. eeeek!  As I have mentioned in about 500 previous posts, I am working really hard to stay on top of things this semester which is great, but then there are those early Friday mornings...I get up with G to make us coffee and breakfast, he heads off to work and then I am going to be oh so productive...I get all my markers and materials out so I can start rendering stainless steel (exciting right?) and then I sit down at the computer and spend 45 minutes trying to figure out how to import my old blog into this one.  I have actually been blogging since 2006, but due to an unfortunate incident (aka my first marriage) I had to switch blogs so he wouldn't keep leaving stupid comments.  Now that he has backed off significantly, I thought it might be interesting to link both blogs. However can I remember how I used to log into the old one? Not a chance.  

In semi related news: I am almost a divorcee!!! Thrilled/over the moon is how I would best describe the emotions I feel when looking at that previous statement.  I NEVER wanted to be one of those people who had a quickie wedding and even quicker marriage, but I am learning to accept that yes, I did make a mistake.  It's still kind of a fresh wound and embarrassing at times, but I do have to look back and laugh...chuckle, chortle and down right giggle with glee at how happy I am to be out of that, and moved on to something so much better.

G and I are going to the bank this weekend to see about a mortgage. With me still being in school, it will end up being thanks mostly to a co-signer situation with my Mum...but the thought of getting into the real estate market has been on my mind for the past few years.  And the thought that it might be on the horizon is thrilling. We have spent a lot of time in the evenings perusing MLS.ca, in the hopes of stumbling upon our dream home. We don't have any thoughts that it will be extravagant, we just want somewhere to hang our hats, together as we dream together and make plans for the future.

Daily Grace

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1. Dinner in the Dark tonight at O'noir...celebrating Nat's 23rd birthday.
2. Planning a bachelorette party for Not So Wise
3. Being somewhat on top of homework for the time being
4. Looking into homeownership with G...ahhh and yay all at the same time
5. The adorable huge hoop earrings I am wearing today

Daily Grace

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1. 2 more sleeps til Harry Potter with Not so wise and her sister

2. Song exchanges with the lovely Nicole last night

3. Dinner at Insomnia

4. Finishing classes early today

5. Getting film back today!!!

Still a bit lost

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G has been away all week in Thunder Bay for work.  It's been nice having the apartment to myself, lots of time for writing and reflection I originally thought...none of which I really did. Went to school, had an old friend over for dinner and a sleepover, and then yesterday after class I drove up to Lake Simcoe and spent the night at Harrison's cottage. 

 We went out on the boat for a cruise, went swimming and just spent a super duper cottagey 24 hours.  Last night I think is when the real reflection came about.  I started thinking about being a kid and my old cottage.  So many memories of my Dad came flooding back, and all of them good. Me being young and out on the boat with him, thinking he was the most amazing, smart and strong man in the whole wide world.  The reality of that was obviously far from the truth, but I just felt lost in memories.  I miss the young me, so secure in the notion that those who were supposed to love her did and always would.  That my family would always be in fact a family, and that my father who could do anything, would never let me fall.

       As an almost 29 year old woman I obviously realize that my 6 year old self was flawed in thinking that.  My father was 29 when I was born, my age now. And it is becoming glaringly obvious that he was a fallible being, much like myself.  It just hurts to think too deeply about my childhood memories of him, and wonder where it all went wrong.  I can't help but wonder if I am only setting myself up for more hurt as at this time of grieving I am focusing on all the good...it's almost as if I have forgotten all the shit that made us have no relationship at the time of his passing. But I can't hate someone who is dead, someone who it is ingrained in me to love. And at the same time, I cried myself to sleep last night at the cottage missing someone I haven't even seen in 6 years.

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And yet all is not lost. I don't want to sound like a sad sloppy mess. At the same time, I have things I am smiling about and looking forward to. This weekend we are going to Niagara on the Lake with 3 other couples to drink wine, take a pile of photos and celebrate my 29th birthday. After a brief sadness comes great happiness...maybe....At least that is how I am going to look at it. Bring on the birthday. The last year in my 20s is going to be fabulous no matter what just to make up for the insanity that was my mid to late twenties!

Daily Grace

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1. Sourdough bread toasted for breakfast

2. Impending Ikea trip

3. Great Gmail chat last night with a girl who always makes me smile

4. My beautiful orchid that is still fighting to live after coming home with me

5. The Beta fish I picked out last night who will come home with me soon and have a better chance at life than the above orchid.