Big Pimpin'

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I think I want to learn HTML or whatever computer geek language will allow me to pimp out my blog. I super appreciate the free templates that are provided within blogger, however I really want to make mine look cooler... Is Cooler even a word? Does using said word make me less cool? I believe the answers are "no" and then "yes".

Daily Grace (2)

1. Sleeping in on Saturday mornings
2. Making superbowl chili
3. Going to visit my grandparents and seeing them full of delight to be with me.
4. Learning how to make maple syrup cake...now I have ammunition if G and I ever fight and I am in the wrong...it's his favourite.
5. Going to visit Peanut (my friends daughter) and getting to smell baby and just cover her in kisses.

Life is good.

Grace in Small Things (1)

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After reading about this idea on redredwhine.com I looked further into it, and I am sure that this is what I can use in my life right now. A reason, every day to look on the bright side and see those things I should be thankful for. I know that even on my worst days that there are things I should be looking for, to take solace in, to laugh about, to take my breath away. Those 5 things for me today were:

1.Sitting on the couch and eating Chinese food with G, opening our fortunes together and laughing. 2. Loving the book I am reading (Sharp Teeth by Toby Barlow) 3. Discovering new music 4. Catching up on blog reading 5. A phone call from my mum

It really isn't hard to find these things in a day, and now perhaps I can focus on these instead of the negative.

Avoidance

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I am really broke right now. As in broke as a joke. I have pretty much given up shopping (except for essentials for school) we don't go out very much and let me tell you it's really really hard. I keep using my go to defense mechanism which is just getting me further in trouble. If I act like I don't have bills due, I don't check my bank balance and I just avoid the whole thing, somehow it will magically right itself. This is not the case. I think it's been causing me to be a little depressed lately...School is SO busy (example, I was doing homework from 1pm to 1am on Tuesday...this isn't procrastinating, it's just normal amounts of work!) I know I could find some time in there to work, but I just haven't been looking hard enough. I guess that's another avoidance issue...I can claim that I just can't find anything, but does that count if I am not really looking? I am getting a resume together TONIGHT...I want to apply to do promotions or something. Why is it that I just can't be awesomely motivated and organized? I want to join the gym as well but I am worried to run out of time. I think I just need to stop being lazy and to realize I need to commit wholeheartedly to my life just being really really busy right now. It feels so strange to feel so rich in love and yet so broke in cashola.

I had such bad insomnia last night I didn't know what to do. This comes to me from time to time when I am panicked about something. I lay there listening to my heart trying to pound out of my chest and thought "enough is enough" So this morning I woke up, went online and paid my bills. Tonight when i get home from class it's cleaning the apartment, NOT turning the TV on until I am organized, getting my resume in order and getting a head start on the monster pile of homework I have for next week. This weekend is G's birthday so I know I won't be doing much on Saturday night. I am hoping for the strength of character to be able to start doing what I need to do. No more avoidance.

Missing Ms. Mars

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In the fall my friend Emma essentially gave me a new drug. She had tried it before and knew how addictive it was yet she gave it to me anyway...It's not illegal or anything but I swear it's been a hard habit to break. When I knew it was running out I tried to savour it, make it last longer. But now it's all gone and I miss it...I am pretty much in denial that it's over. So, I will stop being cryptic and spill it "I AM IN LOVE WITH VERONICA MARS" It is literally a crime that there was only 3 seasons of the show. It was brilliant. Funny, witty, clever and catching. I do not understand how shows like that get cancelled and crap like "The Bachelor" will run on into infinity. G and I watched the last episode on Monday night, and now all I can do is try to finish the story of Veronica in my head. I know this is completely lame, and most likely due to the intense state of hormonal PMS mess I am currently in, but I almost cried. I got so attached to Kristen Bell and her peeps. I would give this show a glowing recommendation if anyone is in the market for picking up something they can watch on DVD. Farewell

Too late?

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I have lots of homework to do but as I look around my apartment I feel that I need to clean up before I can do anything...yet here I am on blogger...I guess procrastination should be a resolution. When is to late to start figuring out what to resolve to do in the year?

Things that happened to be in 2008 (in some semblance of order)

I spent all of New Years Day in bed thinking I was going to die from a hang over
I dog sat for a Great Dane named Rae
I relearned to snowboard
I became friends with my cousin
I had a crush
I started falling in love
He fell in love with me
I drove from Vancouver to Toronto
I moved to Toronto
I got a temp job
I turned 28
I rekindled some great friendships
My grandparents celebrated their 60th anniversary
My mother and grandfather both were diagnosed with cancer
I decided to go back to school
I went camping for the first time in 5 years
I read 34 books
I watched roughly 100 movies (going to keep track this year!)
I started school for interior Design
I made a few great new friends
I heard my 92 year old grandma refer to a man who cut me off in traffic as a "deutch bag"
I learned how to cook
I celebrated Christmas with friends and family
I rang in the New Year with the man I loved

My Quarterly Sigh of Relief

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I have been sitting at home for the past 5 hours waiting for Rogers to show up and set up my internet. I decided to just play on the computer in the meantime and found out I can steal wireless....not a great signal, but I really feel like blogging and surfing the net. Thanks Marie Cruz whomever you are. Helping me in my time of need and also reinforcing why I will put a password on my account when they finally show up to get me online.

Monday afternoon my mum had her check up at the cancer clinic. With lymphoma, apparently doctors like to wait as long as possible before starting treatment as after a while lymphoma stops responding to chemo. As she has been asymptomatic for this long, they told her that they want to wait until she exhibits symptoms before they begin treatment. So...she comes down to Toronto every 4 months for a check up. I didnt realize how worried I had been about this appointment until the doctor told her that things were looking good and that he would see us in 4 months. She is amazing about keeping positive and focusing on being healthy and I think I need to try to do the same. I keep telling myself that she is fine and that it is going to be ok, but I tend to let those negative thoughts creep in when I am feeling down. I have to focus on all the good in my life and not get bogged down by the crap.

2009 and back from Hiatus

Happy Holidays to all. I spent mine loving on those I love. It was wonderful.

The break from reality is almost over as I am heading back to the city today and leaving behind the coccoon of the holiday world created up north at my Mums. Tomorrow it is back to school, back to work and everything goes back to normal. I am looking forward to getting back into a routine as lately I have been losing track of what day it is. However I will miss the comfort and refuge from adulthood that seems to engulf me when I am up here.

Christmas 2008 was a lovely time spent with lots of family and friends. It was officially my first christmas with G, and so there was some merging of traditions, and time spent with both families. Sometimes it felt a bit frantic but to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way.

I haven't spent much time thinking of resolutions yet...I wanted to do something more creative this year instead of the usual drivel...lose weight, save money type of thing. G and I have his brother staying with us for a few days this week...when he is gone and it is just the two of us again, I think we shall open a bottle of wine and discuss our hopes and dreams for this year.

So far I know that in 2009 I want to work on being more joyful, praying for health and strength for those in my family who need it. Being a better daughter, friend, sister and partner. And just enjoying the small pleasures I can share with those I love. And blogging more...not sure why but I find it good for the soul